I was there the day you took your last breath. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier to just find out like I did my brother, that you were just gone and that was it. But I know you did not want to be alone when you went.
I watched you struggle to breathe, it didn't even look like you. I wonder if you really would have wanted us all there watching you, just waiting for you to die. I don't really think you would have. But I know you didn't want to be alone so we were there. As hard as it was. I layed my head next to yours and told you it was ok to go. I love you. I love you. Those words I had only told you enough times to count with one hand. And why? Why were words so hard to say to you?
We watched on and I saw you slip away and suddenly our family of 5 turned to 3. I cried.
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. . .I think about it and my stomic twists. It shouldn't have had to happen like this. Mom found these notes from dad that he was keeping track of how his body was crashing. He suffered...and we didn't really know.
It's starting to sink in...and it hurts.
I can't believe he's gone. It feels like he should still be here. He was to young.
This is so sad Mandy. I am so sorry for this huge hole in your life and the sadness and loss it brings when you lose someone. I think I would want to go surrounded by those I loved most, so I am sure he was glad you were there with him. He knew you loved him, you didn't have to tell him, in the pictures you posted on My Space I could tell you guys loved each other very much.I don't know much about anything really, but I do know that you will see your Dad again one day, and he loves you now from afar and watches over you and your family. (((HUGS)))
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