Lately I have going through a very unsatisfied season. I am just kind of "so so" about nearly everything. I am not throughly satisfied with my job right now. I love what I do but it is so incredibly draining and wearing! I think It is more the shift I am working than my actual job. I don't want to sound cocky but I sometimes feel like I am the only one there with the true passion for my job. Everyone else seems to get caught up in these drama webs. I just want to help animals and love them and care for them. I don't want to know what is going on in "Jane's" love life and how this doctor was in a bad mood today. It is very frustrating at times. I feel like our jobs are already filled with too much emotion, we don't need to add to it.
I am also very unsatisfied with the way I look. It seems like I just woke up one day as a fat lady. Not to mention my thinning, graying hair. I have really let myself go. I realized that I used to be a different person. Not that I am a bad person now but I used to have much more joy and confidence. I feel like now I am just the fat girl that gets swept under the rug. Or the fat funny girl that people feel like they have to laugh at. Don't get me wrong. I am not asking for sympathy. I whole heartedly know that this is my doing. But It is hard to get through the day when you are so disappointed in yourself. I feel like my job has had it's own part in pre-maturely aging me. Maybe it's time to make a few changes.
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I know what you mean about the so so feeling. Like life is gray. Blank. Null.
And the funny fat girl thing...totally. I feel that way too. Especially when my clouths that fit a year ago don't fit and my hiar, after a half an hour of trying to fix it, looks like I electricuted myself, haven't brushed it in a month, rolled in dirt and then blow dried it. I feel you for sure.
Those are bad days. Those are days that prayer and worship does wonders.
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