"Even with Prayers I know it won't happen"

That line was the last line of my blog about my dog Buddy. Buddy IS and I'm estatic to report ALIVE and doing pretty good!! Just a couple days ago we had a couple growths removed from him and he is truely hanging on like a trooper.
I feel sad that I had little faith in god. With god anything is possible. When did I start doubting him?
I talked to a friend a few days ago that I hadn't talked to in a long time and he said, "so yeah, I was reading your blogs on your MySpace, are you like all religous now or something.?", I almost wanted to laugh because, first of all those blogs I wrote were probably close to 3 years old and second I am very far from god now. But him saying that was a little slap in the face. I go back to my blogs that I had wrote and It was so simple to see and change in my life just by the way I was writing. I was happy! I was hopeful. To respond to my friend I said, "yeah that was a long time ago, and a lot has changed since then." Truely I have been through a lot of heartache in the past year, but god hasn't changed, I have. His love is everlasting and complete. So I guess I am just thinking as I'm typing here but...how have I changed?! Obvoiusly I've lost some faith. But why? I think some of it may be some resentment from loosing my dad. You know I have really only gone to church maybe twice since my daddy died nearly a year and a half ago. I know speaking with god and going for worship is very emotional for me and that is one of the reasons I have been avoiding church. I mean, I think deep down inside I really haven't grieved, I have completely pushed my emotions aside, because I knew I had to. I had two jobs to go back to, and had to be a "normal" person at them. I only took like three days off of work after his funneral, everyone else took a couple weeks, my sister took like a month. I don't know I think I have some resentment there too. It's hard to say what has happened but I think it's time to let god take care of these burdens and let him back into my life. With Prayers I know it CAN happen.